I vow never to use Mapquest again.
On our recent trip to P's wedding in Pittsburgh, we found out just how pathetic Mapquest directions are. In hindsight, I should have known better, as Mapquest had misled me in the past. Their strategy seems to get you CLOSE to a destination then leave you to figure the rest out on your own. Nevertheless, this time, I thought I was completely prepared. I had printed off at least a dozen maps showing us directions back and forth between any combination of points A and B that we could possibly need that weekend. "From Home to Hotel." "From Hotel To Home." "From Hotel to Church." "From Church to Rehearsal Dinner." "From Rehearsal Dinner to Hotel." "From Hotel to the Sharp Edge" (a restaurant we discovered last time we were in Pittsburgh. "From the Sharp Edge to Hotel" . . . you get the idea. Each one was meticulously labled, stapled, and placed in a nice, pressboard folder. Thanks to my obsessive compulsive planning ahead, we were all set.
It wasn't long before I realied I should have Googled.
Despite it's best efforts, Mapquest could not ruin the weekend. The wedding, as I have said, was absolutely lovely, and we also had a great time at the rehearsal and diner after. The inn where we stayed with the rest of the wedding party was beautiful and comfy! For a few moments in the car here and there, however, it was touch-and-go.
We got lost on the way to the hotel, thanks to the directions "Take the I-279 S ramp toward NORTH CANAL STREET" followed shortly by "Turn RIGHT onto CEDAR AVE." Ok. So you take the ramp and turn right. Right? Off a ramp? HUH? We "took" the ramp, alright, and as we were on it, I spotted a tiny one way road going toward the right. Not "turning" to the right, mind you, just sort of
leaning to the right. I thought, "That can't possibly be it," and of course, it was too late to turn by then, anyway. Turns out that yes, that was it. That was what we determined after getting stuck getting on 279 then getting off one or two exits later, having to stop in a factory parking lot to look at the map, and finally finding our way to the hotel. S later figured out a much simpler route to the hotel. Thank goodness.
Then, on the way to the church for the rehearsal, we found this in the directions: "Make a U-TURN onto ONE WILD PL / THE HILL RD." A U-TURN. Are those legal Pennsylvania? Not that it matters, because in reality, it wasn't even a U-TURN. It was a "SOFT RIGHT" where the road continues without changing names. There is even a stop sign there. We figured it out, thanks to the directions enclosed with the wedding invitation.
The final straw came when we were attempting to go out for breakfast the morning of the wedding. I had three maps each leading us from the hotel to a different popular breakfast spot. I left it up to S where we would go, and he chose Cracker Barrel. It was supposed to be a 10 minute drive. So, we got in the car and headed out. First 8 minutes or so, we were fine, now-familiar patches of highway, exits we had seen before breezing by. Then the directions took us up a hill where there were many small houses and twisty roads (because locations like that are where Cracker Barrel usually chooses for their restaurants, right?). One road - which, of course, was one we needed- was closed by a bunch of chuckleheads having a street fair. We managed to get around that and continued along the street where the alleged Cracker Barrel was. The street ended. No Cracker Barrel. Just more houses and a different street going off in another direction. S said that the Cracker Barrel referred to by the Mapquest directions must have been a literal barrel in someone's backyard, full of crackers. My theory, however, is that it was actually like Gate 9 and Three Quarters, and you have to just clench your teeth and drive directly into a house or something, and you'll magically be transported to Cracker Barrel. Maybe that's where Harry Potter eats breakfast on the way to Hogwarts.
So . . . seeing as how I had to be back to start getting ready for the wedding in less than an hour, S dropped me back off at the hotel and wandered off on foot in what didn't seem to be the best neighborhood to get breakfast. I grabbed a muffin and some much-needed coffee and got ready to leave, all the while thinking how S was surely going to get mugged, or worse, and not only was I going to lose my dearest husband . . . but I was also going to be late for the wedding. All thanks to Mapquest and the Cracker Barrel at Gate 9 and Three Quarters.
S did make it back, incidentally, and all was well. But I've learned my lesson!